the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
