So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
