My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
