can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
