i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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