I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
