i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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