Just cropdusted the office
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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