Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
