you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
