M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
