I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize