Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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