awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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