I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
