You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
