i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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