She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love having hate sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
