i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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