Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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