That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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