I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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