Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
