I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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