Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
