I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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