she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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