My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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