I'm so fucking centered right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
