I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
