She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
