i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
