wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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