These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
