hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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