Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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