Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize