Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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