Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
