maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
