Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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