You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
