I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize