this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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