I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
