I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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