she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize