Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They took my balls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize