in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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