There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
