At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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