There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
