Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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