As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize