sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
