I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
