Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
