So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
