Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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