i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so let's talk penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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