I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
