also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
