Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
