and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
