well I can't set my house on fire every night
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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