After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
