he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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