i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my poor anus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
