It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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