When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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