When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
