didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
