i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
