thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
