He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
