Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
