Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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