toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
