i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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