dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
