I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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