remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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