dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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