dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
