Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
