On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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