i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
