Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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