You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
