did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize