If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am midnight drunk by noon
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
