I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
